It's been over a year since I last posted. How does that happen? Does this happen to you too? It's like sometimes the things you REALLY do want to do get pushed off to the side (and then fall behind something, and then roll under something...). I really do want to blog. I also really want to "get organized", keep a clean house, exercise consistently, and be generally a more pleasant person. Not really super ambitious life goals..so what is getting in the way?
Today I made it to church for the first time in months. An almost four year old is a much better companion than then 3yr old last brought in the fall and perhaps there was some divine intervention trying to gently reward me for getting back there as my 21 month old took an off schedule nap and stayed home with Daddy. The homily was about missing "it". About how we are so busy going, planning, moving, fast, fast, fast...that many of us are missing IT.
I actually felt pretty good after this sermon because I am pretty sure those things I was beating myself up over not getting done...they are not IT. However, the walk I took with my kids to the playground yesterday, the cup of coffee I leisurely enjoyed with my husband in the morning, the phonecall I had with a great friend, I am pretty sure that's IT.
Treats and Chaos- it's what I decided to name my blog as those are my cats names. However they are aptly named. Life. It is full of Treats and Chaos. After almost ten years, I actually don't know which Cat is the alpha-male. At first it seemed obvious; Chaos reigned. Yet, over time it seems if you really pay attention to Treats, the stronger you realize he is. He is not always as visible, he is not always as obvious, but he is here.
Hope to be back sooner than last time, but if I am not- don't hold it against me. :)
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Blogging Out Loud
Ooops...I was on a role. Three days in a row, and then boom,three week hiatus. The thing is I "blog" in my head all the time, but I haven't scheduled "blogging" into my day yet. I am working on it, but life has been so amazingly exciting lately, honestly it has been low on the priority list.
Last week I had a difficult conversation with an old friend. Basically, I realized that we had grown apart and that made me sad. I expressed an interest in trying to rebuild, she asked if I was asking her out on a date. It was funny at the time, but I guess that is what I was doing. I was making a decision to say "Hey, I don't like where our friendship is, and we have the power to change that if we really want to." This, actually, has been a theme in my life this month.
As my family and close friends know, this has been a tough year (or two) for me. I was already struggling with the transition to motherhood when I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. It shouldn't have been such a surprise that this fall I began treatment for postpartum depression and anxiety issues, but it was. I've struggled with finding balance in my life. I spent a lot of time whining.
Then last month, I had a life changing moment. A missed opportunity that made me question what was holding me back and the only answer I could come up with was "me!". Amazingly, since I've commited to being more positive and decided to be successful and happy, my life has changed. My business is flourishing, my children are happy, my husband loves me, I have amazing friends. The funny thing is the last three things I listed have always been true, but I was taking it all for granted.
I made a decision almost three years ago to be home with my children. Some people say I am "lucky". I am certainly fortunate, but there was not much luck involved. This was a decision that has resulted in having to make lots of sacrifices. Unfortunately, for too long I was getting caught up in feeling sorry for myself about those sacrifices and as a result I was missing the point!
Tonight as I carried both my children upstairs to bed, they were laughing hysterically. Yes, my husband is away again for work, yes my house is a mess, yes we have more bills to pay then money to pay them with...but holding those two beautiful, happy children in that moment the only thing on my mind was- "It doesn't get much better than this."
Last week I had a difficult conversation with an old friend. Basically, I realized that we had grown apart and that made me sad. I expressed an interest in trying to rebuild, she asked if I was asking her out on a date. It was funny at the time, but I guess that is what I was doing. I was making a decision to say "Hey, I don't like where our friendship is, and we have the power to change that if we really want to." This, actually, has been a theme in my life this month.
As my family and close friends know, this has been a tough year (or two) for me. I was already struggling with the transition to motherhood when I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. It shouldn't have been such a surprise that this fall I began treatment for postpartum depression and anxiety issues, but it was. I've struggled with finding balance in my life. I spent a lot of time whining.
Then last month, I had a life changing moment. A missed opportunity that made me question what was holding me back and the only answer I could come up with was "me!". Amazingly, since I've commited to being more positive and decided to be successful and happy, my life has changed. My business is flourishing, my children are happy, my husband loves me, I have amazing friends. The funny thing is the last three things I listed have always been true, but I was taking it all for granted.
I made a decision almost three years ago to be home with my children. Some people say I am "lucky". I am certainly fortunate, but there was not much luck involved. This was a decision that has resulted in having to make lots of sacrifices. Unfortunately, for too long I was getting caught up in feeling sorry for myself about those sacrifices and as a result I was missing the point!
Tonight as I carried both my children upstairs to bed, they were laughing hysterically. Yes, my husband is away again for work, yes my house is a mess, yes we have more bills to pay then money to pay them with...but holding those two beautiful, happy children in that moment the only thing on my mind was- "It doesn't get much better than this."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Planes, Trains, and Autmobiles
My hardworking hubby hit the tarmac today for the first time in a while. He'll be in Calfornia for three days and although I'm not sure if I'm ready for him to start doing this every week again, I'm pretty sure I am going to make it through this one. Typically, the bonuses of his travel are not having to make dinner, getting to watch my shows on TV, and not getting sucked into sitting on the couch all night and actually getting some housework done. However, this week my mother is staying with me two of the three nights so the bonuses are a little different- got to go out tonight and get out of doing bedtime without feeling guilty and I didn't have to cleanup the kitchen after dinner. A new bonus of Casey being away is there isn't enough firewood chopped to have to be responsible for keeping the woodstove going all day.
Wow.
That is a prime example of one of those things that after I say it, I wonder- "Whose life am I living?". Chopped wood? Keeping the stove going? Whaaaat?
I don't really have a smooth transition from Planes (yes, the reference to the Tarmac was the only thing relative to Planes) to Trains, so here goes- You know how as a Mom it can be easy to get frustrated and feel like noone appreciates all (or any) of what you do? I am learning how to let this go, but still have daily dfficulties with doing so. A few days ago, 2yr old Casey asked me to play trains with him. In my mind to play trains we had to first fix the track. So I pulled out the directions from the drawer of the train table, laid each piece out by category and spent the next half hour constructing the perfect track. Of course, by the time it was ready, Casey had lost interest in playing. Yet, that night, Big Casey (my husband) noticed the train table and was really impressed which I know by his statement, "Wow. That must have taken you forever.What did the kids do while you worked on that?"
Lastly, There is a new automobile in our lives. (I know, another lousy transition, I'll work on it). There is a blue "Car bed" in my son's room. Although we bought the kind of crib that turns into a toddler bed and then a full bed, the car bed was given to us and is pretty cool. I don't love that it doesn't really go with the jungle theme in the room, and if I were supermom I would whip out my creative skills and turn that racecar into a Safari Jeep while waiting for my homemade pies to cool. Instead, the car is parked next to aforementioned crib which is awaiting dissasembely. Anyhow, It's been a long time since anyone has desperately request I sleep with him in a car. And frankly, as I find myself falling asleep with toys dancing all over my face and body I find that giving in now may be much worse then giving in then. I, inevitably wake up in what feels like the middle of the night (but is actually about 11) to realize I yet again didn't get to the thousand things I planned on doing once the kids went to bed and stumble down the hall to fall into my own bed knowing the 6:45am wake up call will be here soon and I can try again tomorrow.
Wow.
That is a prime example of one of those things that after I say it, I wonder- "Whose life am I living?". Chopped wood? Keeping the stove going? Whaaaat?
I don't really have a smooth transition from Planes (yes, the reference to the Tarmac was the only thing relative to Planes) to Trains, so here goes- You know how as a Mom it can be easy to get frustrated and feel like noone appreciates all (or any) of what you do? I am learning how to let this go, but still have daily dfficulties with doing so. A few days ago, 2yr old Casey asked me to play trains with him. In my mind to play trains we had to first fix the track. So I pulled out the directions from the drawer of the train table, laid each piece out by category and spent the next half hour constructing the perfect track. Of course, by the time it was ready, Casey had lost interest in playing. Yet, that night, Big Casey (my husband) noticed the train table and was really impressed which I know by his statement, "Wow. That must have taken you forever.What did the kids do while you worked on that?"
Lastly, There is a new automobile in our lives. (I know, another lousy transition, I'll work on it). There is a blue "Car bed" in my son's room. Although we bought the kind of crib that turns into a toddler bed and then a full bed, the car bed was given to us and is pretty cool. I don't love that it doesn't really go with the jungle theme in the room, and if I were supermom I would whip out my creative skills and turn that racecar into a Safari Jeep while waiting for my homemade pies to cool. Instead, the car is parked next to aforementioned crib which is awaiting dissasembely. Anyhow, It's been a long time since anyone has desperately request I sleep with him in a car. And frankly, as I find myself falling asleep with toys dancing all over my face and body I find that giving in now may be much worse then giving in then. I, inevitably wake up in what feels like the middle of the night (but is actually about 11) to realize I yet again didn't get to the thousand things I planned on doing once the kids went to bed and stumble down the hall to fall into my own bed knowing the 6:45am wake up call will be here soon and I can try again tomorrow.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Wake up Call
I woke up this morning at 6:45 to the joyful cry from my son in what has become the beginning of our morning ritual, "MOMMMMMMYYYY, THE SUN IS OUT! MOMMMYYY, WHERE ARE YOU? MOMMMY, GET UP!"
A few weeks ago he began sleeping in a toddler bed, but yet he still waits for me to "GET HIM UP!" everyday. I guess this is pobably a good thing. Last night, however, was one of those nights I fell asleep on the couch (actually the loveseat, hubby spent the night on the couch) and the battery on the monitor died somewhere in the middle of the night, so two year old Casey reprimanded me for my slower than usual response time by informing me when I crossed the threshold into his room that he had been looking out his curtains and the sun is up and he was calling me and I didn't come. Good Morning, my love.
Being two, Casey likes to follow a rigid routine which begins with "Juice, cereal, and a show" a mantra he barks until each demand is met. The show often becomes two (ok, sometimes four) as Mommy gets his baby sister her bottle, breakfast, diaper, and at some point my own breakfast and COFFEE. Usually several cups in a row.
Anyhow, back to this particular day. While I chatted on the phone midday with my very good friend (who also was a roommate in college) I was able to successfully do laundry, clean my kitchen, and tidy several other rooms. This was all because my wonderful husband took the two darlings to our local big box superstore to pick up the weekly essentials. Even though it was after 1pm, I had not yet showered, but I was explaining to my friend that somehow since I was dressed and not in pajamas it seemed like I was less lazy. Now, the fact that they were yesterday's clothes should have mattered, but it didn't. As my former college rommate, this particular friend witnessed me fall "asleep" in my clothes many a time so I knew she wouldn't judge.
In a life that does not seem to have too many parallels to the life I led ten years ago, I somewhat enjoyed this tiny flashback and although I am still running ragged, I am glad I don't have a hangover or homework.
A few weeks ago he began sleeping in a toddler bed, but yet he still waits for me to "GET HIM UP!" everyday. I guess this is pobably a good thing. Last night, however, was one of those nights I fell asleep on the couch (actually the loveseat, hubby spent the night on the couch) and the battery on the monitor died somewhere in the middle of the night, so two year old Casey reprimanded me for my slower than usual response time by informing me when I crossed the threshold into his room that he had been looking out his curtains and the sun is up and he was calling me and I didn't come. Good Morning, my love.
Being two, Casey likes to follow a rigid routine which begins with "Juice, cereal, and a show" a mantra he barks until each demand is met. The show often becomes two (ok, sometimes four) as Mommy gets his baby sister her bottle, breakfast, diaper, and at some point my own breakfast and COFFEE. Usually several cups in a row.
Anyhow, back to this particular day. While I chatted on the phone midday with my very good friend (who also was a roommate in college) I was able to successfully do laundry, clean my kitchen, and tidy several other rooms. This was all because my wonderful husband took the two darlings to our local big box superstore to pick up the weekly essentials. Even though it was after 1pm, I had not yet showered, but I was explaining to my friend that somehow since I was dressed and not in pajamas it seemed like I was less lazy. Now, the fact that they were yesterday's clothes should have mattered, but it didn't. As my former college rommate, this particular friend witnessed me fall "asleep" in my clothes many a time so I knew she wouldn't judge.
In a life that does not seem to have too many parallels to the life I led ten years ago, I somewhat enjoyed this tiny flashback and although I am still running ragged, I am glad I don't have a hangover or homework.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A tree in the forest?
So, over the last two years I've found myself ocassionally mentioning in conversation "I think I'd like to start a blog." I'd hear myself saying it casually, the same way one might say, "I think I might like to take nap" Now, for many people, it may in fact be that simple. However, I am one of those people that makes everything way more complicated than it needs to be, and also, quite frankly, I am extremely technologically challenged. By way of example, I am currently typing this on a computer that is so old and slow that it can take up to 30 minutes for me to successfully "jump on" and check my email. This is actually why I have an iphone (much quicker to check email) yet I do not have one single "app" because I have no idea what my password to get into the app store is. I keep meaning to look into that.
Regardless, today was the day. I decided to just do it. Instead of thoroughly researching how to become a blogger I ignored my always at odds procrastinating perfectionist overanalyzing brain and figured I'd learn as I go. So, please excuse the lack of photos until I figure out how to upload some. Please bear with me as I figure out the formatting. I think I am going to enjoy this and hopefully if anyone ever reads what I have to say, they will enjoy it too.
Regardless, today was the day. I decided to just do it. Instead of thoroughly researching how to become a blogger I ignored my always at odds procrastinating perfectionist overanalyzing brain and figured I'd learn as I go. So, please excuse the lack of photos until I figure out how to upload some. Please bear with me as I figure out the formatting. I think I am going to enjoy this and hopefully if anyone ever reads what I have to say, they will enjoy it too.
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